Hang Ups, or a Lack Thereof
by metafreak
Summary: Why it's important to not leave the phone off the hook. Scoobies in the library S2, silliness, oblique references to sexual activity. I mock Giles because I love him. Rated M to be safe. XanderCordy, mention of GilesJenny, Scoobyfic


_Rating:_ Um... Really around PG13, but rated M just to be safe.  
_Ships:_ Xander/Cordelia, Giles/Jenny is discussed, kinda-sorta-implied Cordelia/Giles... you'll see  
_Characters:_ Features Giles, Buffy, Willow, Xander and Cordelia all fairly evenly.  
_Time:_ Post-Ted, pre-Surprise  
_Disclaimer:_ Not mine. Not profiting.  
_Description:_ Just a weird idea from my weird brain. I think this may rank as sillyfic. It's awkward and funny.  
_Reviews:_ Love it, hate it, indifferent, whatever, I care about your opinion! Reviews are very much appreciated.

**Hang Ups, or a Lack Thereof**

When Giles got to the library Monday morning, he was surprised to find Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Cordelia already there, sitting around the study table. He was even more surprised when he noticed Buffy was sporting a nasty-looking bruise on her cheek.

"Good lord, Buffy. What happened?" he asked as he approached.

"Demon trouble last night," the Slayer answered, "Hulking, armoury skin. It got away." She was unusually terse, which Giles attributed to her displeasure at the demon's escape. "You'll look into it?"

"Yes, yes of course," he replied, setting his things on the desk, and heading immediately for the stacks. "The description sounds familiar, but I-I'll investigate all possibilities." As the Watcher began pulling volumes off the shelves, he glanced back at Buffy. She remained in the same position as when he had entered the library: sitting on the edge of the desk, arms crossed over her chest, facing the door. "I don't like that it's been able to injure you," Giles said with genuine concern, though somewhat annoyed that his Slayer didn't turn to face him when he spoke. Coming to think of it, neither did her friends, seated around the table. "In future, please don't wait till next day to report such things."

"I, uh, tried to call," Buffy remarked cooly, causing Xander and Cordelia to snigger, while Willow stared resolutely at her hands folded before her.

"Oh?" Giles said carefully as he came down the stairs to the study area. Coming to think of it, his phone _had_ rung last night, though he had been too preoccupied to answer. Jenny was over and, well... they had become preoccupied.

"Yeah. Your machine didn't pick up." The irritation in Buffy's voice was thinly veiled.

Now that he remembered, the phone had rung quite persistently. So persistently, infact, that the bedside phone had ended up either knocked or tossed to the floor, the receiver off the hook and a good distance away from the phone itself, where it had stayed till that morning. So it had hardly been possible to contact him. "Ah. Well, the answering machine is rather old, er, probably malfunctioning. I-I-I suppose I should get a-a new one," he said in an apologetic tone as he set the books on the desk next to Buffy. Giles wondered off-hand what Xander and Cordelia were smirking at.

"While you're at it, pick up a new phone for the library too," Buffy said snippily.

For the first time, Giles noticed that the library phone was absent from the circulation desk. "Wh-what happened to...?"

"I had to burn it," Buffy answered shortly. And with that, she slid off the desk and marched out of the library.

"Wha... ?" Giles stared after her. He had a strange sinking feeling.

"Yeah..." It seemed that Xander had taken it upon himself to answer the librarian's incomplete question. Giles turned from the door to face him. "You know how when you don't want to talk to someone, you pick up the phone, hang up, and then take the phone off the hook so they can't call back?" Xander spoke as though he were explaining something to a child, or a simpleton. Giles glared at him, but it must have been a weak attempt, since the teenager was wholly unaffected, and continued with his explanation. "It's that second step, the hanging up, that's key. Otherwise, the person on the other end can hear you."

Giles blanched, which seemed to amuse Xander. Cordelia giggled.

Willow was more reserved. Still staring at her hands, she spoke in a measured, careful tone. Perhaps overly careful. "And, uh, if you're doing something really, really loud, then other people, who aren't even on the phone, but just close to it... then, they can, uh... hear you too."

Against all odds, Giles got even paler. He appeared to be frozen in horror.

At least Cordelia and Xander found the situation entertaining, both trying desperately to keep their laughter down at the level of giggles and snickers. Until Cordelia seemed to decide that a demonstration was required.

"Oh, Rupert, baby!" she exclaimed in an over-the-top, breathy voice.

"Jenny, darling!" Xander responded, lowering his voice and octave and putting on what, one would assume, was an English accent. "Kiss me!"

The two teenagers doubled over in breathles laughter, taking no notice of Willow's frowning look. Giles' face turned from white to bright red with alarming speed. He turned and walked stiffly to his office.

"Guys, don't," Willow admonished her friends to no avail, and gales of laughter continued to fill the library, interspersed with mock-passionate "baby!"s and "darling!"s, dying down only when Giles had closed his office door firmly behind him. Alone in his office, in between wishing for someplace dark to crawl into and die peacefully of mortification without adolescent laughter plaguing him, and wondering how he would ever be able to look Buffy in the eye again, Giles found himself thinking that perhaps email wasn't such a bad form of communication after all.

Willow regarded the office door with regret for a moment before rising to her feet and, casting one last disapproving look at the still giggling Xander and Cordelia, silently walked out of the library.

Once his friend was gone, Xander sobered immediately. "Okay. What we just did? That was wrong. On a variety of levels."

Cordelia let out one last giggle. "Oh, lighten up."

The young man turned to her, incredulous. "Don't tell me that was _not_ deeply disturbing."

She merely raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

"The whole kinda-sorta role-playing thing..." he elaborated, screwing up his face in an expression of distaste.

Cordelia reflected. "Actually, I'm kinda turned-on," she replied, matter-of-factly.

"Oh." Xander considered the cheerleader's response while she watched him impassively. "Do you wanna go make-out?" he inquired.

Letting some enthusiasm creep into her voice, Cordelia answered, "Sure!"

And with that, the two of them set off for the janitor's closet.


End file.
